The Resurrection of Rex

Tonight in St. Louis, Rex Grosmman rises from the ashes and marks his return from the abyss. No more Bad Rex. Only Good Rex. What better night than a Monday night to announce to the world that the past few weeks were merely a mirage, a mistake, a slump?

Here we go now.

Game of the Year?

Yesterday's Arsenal-Chelsea game made a December run in the race for Game of the Year. Any sport. I'm not saying it definitely gets the nod, but I'd have to think a while before matching it. Awesome stuff. The only drawback, if there was one, is that it was a midseason game. Late spring with the title on the line? That would have raised the stakes a bit...but who's complaining?

Michael Essien may have went on to have the possible Miss of the Year when he hit the crossbar from roughly a foot away from goal in second half injury time, but his late goal to even things was a true goosebump moment.

Trouble Brewing

Tommie Harris' hamstring may be much worse than originally feared and the prospect of the ultra-stud defensive tackle missing the remainder of the season is a very real possibilty, prompting the Unknown Column to head directly to the nearest, darkest corner and curling into the fetal position.

This is exactly what the Bears didn't need. The dreaded major injury to a major player.

This is horrible, crushing, disastrous news. Harris has quickly become one of the best defensive players in the league and his absence would leave a gaping void, especially for a defense that has struggled against the run ever since Mike Brown was lost for the season in the secondary.

You really have to feel for Brian Urlacher in all of this. The heart of the Bears defense ran right up the middle like a glorious spine: Harris in the middle of the line, Urlacher at middle linebacker, and Brown in the middle of the secondary. That's probably (undeniably?) the best defensive trio in the NFL. And now? Now it looks like Urlacher will have to go it alone.

Maybe, just maybe, Harris can recover in time for the playoffs, which I suppose isn't that far out of the realm of possibility, or at least that's what I'm telling myself.

I'll be at church praying if you need me...once I get up out of this corner.

We're an Embarrassment

You can add the United States Soccer Federation to the same list that includes such entities as the Chicago Cubs, Arizona Cardinals, and the entire Bush Administration. In other words, the list of all things that are completely incompetent.

After spending six months disgracefully and desperately tailing Jurgen Klinsmann with its tongue firmly planted in his behind, the USSF has been politely told by the German coach thanks, but no thanks. This means that the U.S. national team has yet to hire a coach or hit the field even once since the World Cup. We've done nothing. Nothing. It also means that the entire golbal soccer community is surely laughing at us. Even the Canucks! Oh, sure, the world has been laughing at American soccer for years now, but the fact that the laughter is more audible than ever is really saying something.

It's bad enough to lose. It's so much worse to be an utter embarrassment. And this is what we are.

The sad part is that, apparently, Klinsmann's decision was based not on money but on issues of power. If so, USSF head Sunil Gulati is even more clueless and unlikable than I initially thought.

I mean, who the fuck is Sunil Gulati? Klinsmann was a superstar player who won a World Cup in 1990 and is currently a young coach with a seemingly limitless future who already proved his worth at this past summer's World Cup...and Gulati is going to argue with him about who should have the bigger say on important matters? Really?

We're pathetic. We really are.

Meanwhile, Bob Bradley has been named interim coach. Sure, Bradley was successful here in Chicago with the Fire, but he was also fired by the MetroStars. In other words, our national team has gone from the prospect of Klinsmann to a guy who was fired by an MLS team. This is like being turned down by Phil Jackson and responding by a dude who was shitcanned in the CBA.

This summer we'll play in both the Gold Cup and the Copa America. Busy schedule. How far the embarrassment spills over onto the actual playing field remains to be seen.

I'm guessing plenty.

Has Kenny Williams Lost His Mind?

The Unknown Column has been drawn from his hibernation and he's pissed off. And worried.

Apparently, Kenny Williams has either a) lost his mind, or b) become so arrogant that he's decided to do all he can to give a huge middle finger to the currently ridiculous state of baseball economics. Either way, the trade of Freddy Garcia to the Phillies for Gavin Floyd and Gio Gonzalez is quite possibly the most baffling (unbelievably dumb) move I can remember the Sox making. Actually, no, I'm positive that it is.

I don't get it. I mean, I understand the desire to open a spot in the rotation for Brandon McCarthy - a move that has been long-anticipated - but this reeks of desperation to do so.

Last season Floyd amassed a 7.29 ERA with the Phillies before being permanently shipped to the minors. In 24 career games (17 starts) he has a 6.96 ERA. Um, maybe it's just me, but those numbers kind of suck. In fact, considering the dude was drafted fourth overall in 2001, he's been a magnificent bust.

As for Gonzalez, the Sox just dealt him last year in the Jim Thome-Aaron Rowand deal and are now getting him back. I don't know how excited Sox fans are supposed to be about a guy who was already shipped out of town once.

Of course, Williams has long been a wheeler-dealer sort, so maybe he has a trick or two up his sleeve. But at the moment, it seems the Sox have just given up plenty for little (to nothing) in return. This is the sort of move that severely hampers a fan's ability to muster hope heading into a season.

And the Unknown Column is extremely fuckin' pissed off. There had better be more to this story than meets the eye.

As for Garcia, who is married to the cousin of Ozzie Guillen (a girl Ozzie raised), this should make for some intersting family gatherings.

Gold Cup Coming to Chicago

The semifinals and final of the 2007 Gold Cup are coming to Chicago. Soldier Field, to be exact. This is very cool news. The lakefront in the summertime.

For the non-soccerheads, the Gold Cup is the biannual tournament to decide the best team in CONCACAF, the region we play in. Of course, this debate is endlessly a tossup between us and Mexico, as the rest of the region is pretty much our bitches. And should, as expected, the U.S. meet Mexico in the final, well, Soldier Field will be positively electric. These teams do not like each other and rhe joint will be packed.

And there is sure to be more Mejeecanos that gringos in the stands.

Hopefully, we actually, you know, get some games in soon. It would also help if we, you know, hired a coach. I wonder if Jurgen Klinsmann is laughing at us at this point. I mean, could we look any more desperate and incompetent? At the moment we remain coachless and have yet to step on the field since the loss to Ghana to close out our nightmare World Cup. Which is absolutely criminal as the rest of the world has been playing games regularly, both friendlies and qualifiers. Everyone except us. US Soccer Federation president Sunil Gulati is the definition of clueless.

This mess is a joke that is no longer funny.

Do you mean to tell me we couldn't have played at least a friendly or two with an interim coach? I thinks we could have. It would have helped and it surely beats sitting around doing nothing.

Anyway, the Gold Cup should be a blast and, by the way, has one of the larger trophies in sports. It's almost big enough for Landon Donovan to hide in during the big games.

At Least the Uniforms Look Good

So DePaul has been getting some ESPN airtime the last couple days at the Maui Invitational. It's been the first chance I've had to check out the Blue Demons, who are already worrying me. Opening with losses to Bradley and Northwestern is not good. These are programs the Demons have traditionally dominated on the local scene.

Granted, I can understand the Bradley loss. Going down to Peoria is no easy deal these days now that Jim Les has the program headed onward and upward. (You remember last year's Sweet Sixteen run, right?) But losing by 20 points? Ouch.

And losing by ten points to lowly Northwestern...and scoring only 39 points in the process? Now, that's just completely unacceptable. In fact, that makes me a whole lot of uncomfortable with Jerry Wainwright in general. I'm sweating here.

At least the Demons showed a little fight in losing to Kentucky in Hawaii. They really need to beat Purdue tomorrow if I'm going to hold much hope of them accomplishing much in the brutal Big East this season.

Incidentally, the Unknown Column must give two big thumbs up for the Demons' new uniforms (seen above). I love them. They remind me of the Mark Aguirre-Terry Cummings era (or at least what I heard about it.)

So True

Sadly, this list, as great and true as it is, only begins to tell the story. Someone give ESPN a mirror.

Cubs Make Soriano Very Rich

The Cubs have signed Alfonso Soriano to a ridiculously large contract and the Unknown Column says good riddance.

Look, this contract is yet more foolishness by the clueless Jim Hendry as it is way too big and for way too long. Do you really want to be making Soriano's wallet that fat when he's 39? No.

But that's beside the point. Completely.

Yup, at this point, the Cubs are so sad and so desperate that it doesn't even matter. Nothing matters. So just toss the money out there. Fuck it. They have it, so toss it out there and then toss some more. Who gives a fuck? Just do something. Anything. Lose all control.

And that's what the Cubs have done. They've said fuck it and brought in a big name to offer up to Lou Piniella. And this isn't a bad thing. There will always be dim-witted, drunk Cubs fans to buy more tickets, to make more money, to hoarde away selfishly...

So fuck it.

But here's the thing: Soriano is not a leadoff hitter. This entire deal will go bust if the Cubs try to put Soriano in the leadoff position, which presumably they will.

But why? Put him in the middle of the order with Derrick Lee and Aramis Ramirez and - BAM! - you instantly have one of the scariest hearts of the lineup in all of baseball. Think about the damage those three could to. Imagine it. Damn.

Interestingly enough, the Cubs already have a leadoff hitter in Juan Pierre, who is currently a fee agent and expected to leave town anydaw now. But, hey, as long as the Cubs have their wallet open, why not go totally crazy, give Pierre some cash too, and have your leadoff hitter? Makes sense, no? Granted, I think Pierre is a bit overrated. I don't think he's necesarily the top-notch leadoff guy he's often portrayed as. But he's decent. He's solid. He's serviceable. He can do the job, sometimes quite well. And with the big three behind him, Pierre may just be inspired to accomplish much bigger things.

Shit, Pierre is just sitting right there at the moment waiting to be signed. Look at him. Just lok at him. He's right there. It's so easy. It makes so much sense.

If you're the Cubs, you have to go crazy. Go nutty. Lay it all out there.

Of course, as a White Sox fan I couldn't care less, and I'm actually chuckling already at how this latest move will implode eventually (and you know it will), but being a White Sox fan also means I'm infinitely more knowledgable than the average Cubs fan, so I figure I can give a little love and offer a little help here. Sometimes the laughter gets old and I actually feel sorry for he Scrubs.

But then it passes.

Sign Pierre, move Soriano down in the lineup, and then continue the madness and sign a free agent pitcher such as Barry Zito or Jason Schmidt. Just go fuckin' nuts!

Anyway, I'm sure half the Cubs pitching staff will be on the IR by mid-May, making this all pointless. It's all going to end badly for the Cubs just as it always does. But whatever. I'm just trying to help.

As soon as...

...this kid is walking I fully expect the Fire to sign him (or her) to a contract.

Holding Steady

Bears 10 Jets 0



It wasn't long ago the Bears were coming off an awful loss to the Dolphins (which actually doesn't look so bad now that the 'Phins are pulling off another second-half resurgence a la 2005) and facing the daunting task of three straight road games against the Giants, Jets and Patriots.

Naturally, many a Bears fan who has seen more bad times than good was just waiting for the loosening wheels to fall off completely.

Well, not just yet. Two straight wins in the Meadowlands has the Bears looking and feeling good heading into Foxboro where they will play their biggest regular season game in quite a while.

The offense struggled yesterday, but in a way, there was a positive to be found. Rex Grossman, while far from lighting it up, pulled off a Kyle Orton and simply managed the game. He forced no passes and didn't turn the ball over. Of course, this is a step in the right direction. In the past, Grossman and his gunslinger mentality likely would have become frustrated, forced this issue, and made some potentially fatal mistakes. Sure, it would be nice if Grossman could have aired it out for 300 yards and a few touchdowns (and it certainly would have helped my fantasy team), but as long as he continues to understand that he doesn't need to do that in order to win, well, his growth process maintains on a healthy course.

Thomas Jones appears to be getting stronger as the season wears on. I guess this is a strange but welcome positive to result from his messy summer which saw him skip voluntary workouts and then miss most of the preseason while injured. He's rested.

As for the defense, what can you say? Another shutout. Admittedly, there is cause for concern as teams have been running rather productively against the Bears of late. This is where the absense of Mike Brown hurts the most. God, is he missed. But, hey, the bend but don't break mentality has never been a bad one.

So the Bears sit at 9-1 and remain on course to earn homefield advantage throught the playoffs in the NFC. This is the goal.

So far, so good.

Borat

Deleted scenes.

Starting Over

It is certainly an interesting time to be the Bears - or a Bears fan. After becoming the darlings of the NFL, one horrible loss to the lowly Dolphins has changed everything. At the exact midway point of the season it seems things have gone back to the starting line. An entire reputation needs to be rebuilt. Fans are jumping from the bandwagon faster than Donald Rumsfeld was shooed away this week. The so-called experts have all dropped the Bears way, way down their rankings and can't stop talking about their many sudden weaknesses. Brian Urlacher's toe is hurt and Bernard Berrian's ribs bruised. And now three straight road games against solid teams loom on the horizon.

I guess this is the proverbial fork in the road. I guess this is where we learn what the Bears are made of.

And Chitown is nervous.

Rex Grossman has suddenly become the main target of the new skepticism, not to mention criticism. And, yeah, some of it's deserved. You can't throw the senseless interceptions he has without attracting the wrath of some. The calls for Brian Griese, just as in the preseason, are once again growing.

But let's slow down here. Grossman recently made his 16th start in the NFL, which means that, essentially, he has one full season of experience. So, yeah, growing pains should still be expected. How many top-flight quarterbacks struggled early in their career? Many. He's still finding his way.

And the fact is, Griese's upside just doesn't match that of Grossman. Sure, Grossman has had two bad games (OK, unforgettably awful) against the Cardinals and Dolphins, but he's also put up passing numbers that are completely unheard of around here. All Grossman needs to do is learn to eliminate the big mistakes. I know this is easier said than done, but in time it will happen. Or at least that's what I tell myself. Hopefully, that time comes by the playoffs. But opening up the wound of a quarterback controversy midway through the season just wouldn't be smart. The Bears are lucky enough to be in a bad division, which means they currently hold a seemingly insurmountable three-game lead in the standings. They have room for error. Er, let me rephrase that: they have room to work with. So why would you choose to sit Grossman and turn your back on the fireworks he has proven to be capable of rather than letting him continue to work out the kinks before January rolls around? That wouldn't make sense.

Maybe Lovie Smith should pull out some of last year's game tapes and have Grossman watch Kyle Orton work. This may sound funny, but Grossman could actually learn something from Orton. He could learn that avoiding the killer mistakes is just as important as completing the long pass or even throwing the touchdown. This is what Orton did last year. And he won ten games as a starter despite passing the ball with the efficiency of eating steak through a straw.

No, this is not the time to dump Grossman.

Meanwhile, Plaxico Burress is yapping about how the Bears defensive backs aren't all that great. I suppose I might be more upset by this if Plax wasn't a mediocre receiver who only recently has begun to shed the label of being a first-round bust. Still, it would be nice to see him manhandled and maybe, you know, carried off on a cart. And take Eli Manning and Jeremy Shockey with him.

And if Tike Barber is sent into retirement early, so be it. I'll absorb the hit my fantasy team would take.

The bottom line is, this week is everything the Bears could have hoped for. A Sunday night showcase against a fellow NFC contender that will go a long way in determining who will have homefield advantage in the playoffs and the inside track to the Super Bowl. It's the type of game that seperates the men from the boys. After being humbled and brought to their knees last week, will the Bears stand back up? Will they shake it off and stick their chin back out their? Will they prove to be more than pretenders?

Maybe last week's loss will prove to be a good thing. Now that all the talk of going undefeated has disappeared, maybe the Bears can get their heads on straight. Maybe it'll make them hungry again. Maybe they'll return to seeking respect rather than basking in the glow of suddenly receiving it.

We shall see.

The pick? Bears 16 Giants 10

A Knights Tale

Tell me you aren't a fan of Rutgers after last night. Go ahead. Try.

What an amazing win for the Scarlet Knights, not only upending a Louisville team that had the inside track to a spot in the BCS Championship game, but overcoming a 25-7 deficit in the process. When the entire field was covered in a postgame mass of celebratory red, you had to smile, whether you were a fan or not. That was awesome.

Not bad for a program that had been at the very bottom of college football since forever. I mean, there are the teams that rarely have winning records and then there are the teams that are even worse than that. Teams like Temple or Northwestern before Gary Barnett turned it around. Rutgers was pretty much in that category.

And now, barring an upset in the next two weeks and provided they beat West Virginia in their season finale, the Knights are looking at going undefeated and being able to gripe about being shutout of the title game.

Because they won't be in the title game no matter how fun their story is. Oh, well.

While he was hardly known except to college football diehards only a few weeks ago (or, really, before last night), Greg Schiano has now surely vaulted to the top of any and all lists of hot coaches. You know he'll pretty much have the pick of any job opening he chooses come the offseason. Here's hoping he stays. One of the Unknown Column's biggest pet peeves is college football and basketball coaches who build up a relatively smaller program and then bolt for the greener pastures of a so-called major program. Often it backfires on them. Often they would have been more wise to stay put and continue to build the good thing they had going. I see no reason why Schiano couldn't continue to build Rutgers up to the point where it's an annual contender on a national scale. Why not? Hell, the Knights are practically there already. Now that they're known they'll get more respect in the polls which, in turn, will help them in the BCS rankings.

And with an Italian last name like Schiano, he's perfect for New Jersey. Tony Soprano is probably donating funds to the Rutgers program as we speak.

By the way, I've always wondered why New Jersey couldn't just be like everyone else and call its state school the University of New Jersey. Does New Jersey think it's special?

Plax Yapping

Longtime mediocre Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress is yap, yap, yapping about the Bears defensive backs ahead of the teams' meeting on Sunday night in the Meadowlands.

"I don't think they're the best corners I've played against or we've played against this year. By far, no," Burress told the Newark Star-Ledger. "Those guys make plays [on] the balls that are thrown straight to them, but they're not just covering guys straight up and just shutting them down. I haven't seen any of that. "They're very beatable."

...

"Definitely not them. If they want to come out there and play cover-1, bump-and-run, be [my] guest. I, for one, love it. They want to come out there, bump and play press one-on-one? Let's get go out there and have fun. Let's get it."

Lay the dude out...and do it in the name of Mike Brown.

Better yet, don't even let Eli Manning get his passes off.

The bandwagon followers are jumping. Fuck 'em.

Here we go now.

"Scorched Colon"

I'm not the smartest guy in the world, but I'm pretty sure that launching fireworks out of your ass is never a good idea. This guy should stick with sparklers.

A man suffered internal burns when he tried to launch a rocket from his bottom on Bonfire Night.
Paramedics found the 22-year-old bleeding, with a Black Cat Thunderbolt Rocket lodged inside him, when they attended the scene in Sunderland.

He suffered a scorched colon and is now recovering in hospital, where his condition is described as stable.

A spokesman for the North East Ambulance Service (NEAS) said the prank could have been fatal.

...

"There's a lot of major blood vessels round that area, so infection would probably be a huge problem for him.

"And also the body naturally produces methane gas, so combine that with the firework and the exploding effect with methane's flammability - it certainly could have been a lot worse than it really was."

From the "You Can't Make This Stuff Up" Department:

Katherine Harris, infamous as the evil bitch who helped spearhead the fraudulent 2000 presidential election, may have been screwed over in her Senate race by the very voting machines she pushed for.

This week just keeps getting better and better. It's as if the Gods have finally awoken from their slumber.

Just Imagine This Family Moving In Next Door

One of the most enjoyable aspects of the Republicans being routed - OK, it wasn't exactly a "rout" but whatever - was Rick Santorum being ousted in Pennsylvania in what really was a rout. That said, I fear we'll be hearing of the Santorum family again in the future, probably in some sort of serial killing spree. Yikes. This family creeps me out.

(Check the finger of Jr. on the right...)







The only question is which kid cracks first.

Crazy Birds

Starlings, that is.

You Might Want to Rephrase That

Manchester City's Joey Barton was recently fined for mooning fans of Everton after a game on September 30th. Apparently, he feels he's being treated unjustly and described the incident as thus...

"I was fined for a little bit of tongue-in-cheek behaviour," he said.

Um, that's gross. But to each his own.

In other soccer news, a rumor that Freddy Adu would receive a tryout with Manchester United was quickly squashed by the club. While ManU's response was respectful and professional, you could almost hear the club's higher-ups snickering all the way across the Atlantic. Honestly, Adu would receive as much action with ManU as I would.

Hell, Demarcus Beasley was one of MLS's biggest stars when he left for Europe and is currently in what should be the prime years of his career and he can't get on the field with much less powerful Manchester City. So the idea of a teenage Adu, who has yet to find his niche for a DC United club that stuggled horrendously in the second half of the season, finding minutes with the current Premiership leaders, or even its reserve side, is beyond absurd.

Big Game in November? You Bet

It's never too early in the season for a big game, right? So in that vein, the Bulls' game tonight in Cleveland should be considered massive, or at least big-boned. Why? Well, it'd sure be nice if the Bulls could establish themselves in the Central Division with a road win against a fellow contender. You know, make a statement early.

With everyone in the Central playing roughly .500 ball in the early, early going, there is no reason why the Bulls shouldn't, or couldn't, distance themselves from the pack early.

The biggest problem with last years Bulls team was consistency, or lack thereof. One night they looked great, the next they looked like Jerry Krause was still stalking the halls of the United Center. (Eeewww, shivers.) So far, this season hasn't looked much different. The Bulls have sandwiched two impressive wins around an embarrassing blowout loss to Orlando and a loss to Sacramento in a game they led virtually the entire way before Chris Duhon, quite literally, threw it away. I would hate to sit through another season of such maddening inconsistency. Hopefully, a win tonight in Cleveland can set the Bulls on a straight and narrow path of success that they refrain from veering from.

Speaking of the Cavs, what was LeBron James thinking when he walked off the court with 13 seconds still remaining the other night in a loss to Atlanta? Not too classy. I suppose in the grand scheme of things this isn't a huge deal. I suppose it's just another case of a spoiled athlete acting the fool - and LeBron certainly is no Randy Moss, who was universally bashed for doing something similar - but it is further proof that LeBron is not, nor will he ever be, in Michael Jordan's stratosphere. MJ would have never quit on a game. Never.

And further in the "NBA Has Many Rockheads" Department: Rasheed Wallace recently compared the NBA's new anti-whining rules to slavery. To wit:

"I know they're going to have to do something about this crazy zero tolerance law," Wallace said. "That's retarded. In my mind, it's kind of like a slave and master or father and son. You've got your little son and (you say) don't say nothing back to me -- and to me, that's totally wrong. It ain't like that in any other sport.

"(Referees) don't already like me and all this zero-tolerance law does is give (officials) who already have a beef with players to go out and toss them."

As soon as this rule change was announced I figured it was only a matter of time before somebody cried racism. So, so predictable. Nevermind that the NBA might simply want to stamp out an ugly part of its game, an ugly part that all fans, of all races, find extremely annoying. Nevermind that NBA games will be that much more enjoyable when we're no longer forced to watch grown men act like little girls whose dolls have gone missing. Nevermind that the NBA might simply want to put a better face on its product, which, of course, is always the smart thing to do.

No, it's much easier to simply cry racism while continuing to act foolish. The NBA can't do anything these days (age limit, dress code, etc.) without being labeled racist. It's ridiculous.

Maybe someone should tell 'Sheed that his childish act got tired and old a long, long time ago. Nobody wants to see it, and thus the rule. This isn't difficult.

Dems Win

Dems sweep both the House and Senate and nothing could be finer.

The next step is preventing the Republicans from ever gaining control again. And I mean ever. This can be done. Why not? Make it happen.

Not that I'm all that thrilled about the Democrats, but the GOP has proven what it's worth and that isn't much - if anything.

This week has been great, eh?

Now all America needs to do is elect Barack Obama president and things will be looking up.

And Don't Let the Door Hit You on the Way Out

Man, that was quick. The midterm election votes had barely been counted before Donald Rumsfeld was given the axe. Oh, glorious day.

I'm not going to go on yet another tirade about how incompetent and cold-hearted Rumsfeld is, nor will I gloat about his embarrassing exit. This has been done a million and one times on the internet already. So all I will say is this:

As Rumsfeld goes off to wherever he goes to spend the final years of his life, I hope he looks in the mirror and is forever haunted by the simple truth that he will be remembered as as one of the worst things to happen to this country in a long, long time, probably ever. His mistakes have been documented, his lies exposed, and his place in history has been written. And it won't be pretty. His life was more than a waste. It was a tragedy. I hope he remembers this and lives with it. Forever.

Who Knew?

Um, was anyone else unaware that the college basketball season is, like, officially underway?

No, really. It caught me by surprise. There's games being televised tonight on ESPNU and everyting. The Coaches vs. Cancer Classic. I had no idea. I was flipping through Sports Illustrated last night and saw an ad for the games and, of course, was pleasantly surprised. The coming rush of college hoops is never a bad thing.

Here's an ultra-quick look at some of the local teams:

Illinois - Yeah, I know they lost Dee Brown and James Augustine and a few growing pains surely await. And most most prognosticators seem to be picking the Illini to finish somewhere near the middle of the Big Ten after dominating the conference for the past few years. Hogwash. This team should be much more balanced and I guarantee you Bruce Weber has it competing for yet another conference title. If a team as good as the Illini has been can be cosnidered a surprise, this team may fit the bill.

Southern Illinois - This is legit top fifteen team. No, I'm not crazy. Trust me. The Salukis return everybody and are the real deal. I'm not exaggerating when I say that the Sweet Sixteen (or beyond?) should be a serious goal.

DePaul - Don't look now but Jerry Wainright has quietly landed two Top 50 recruits. Who knew he could recruit? Granted, they won't be ready until next year, but the Blue Demons have some talent on hand already. A move out of the Big East basement awaits and an NCAA bid may not be that farfetched. Oh, when will the DePaul glory days return? Patience, my friends, patience.

Loyola - Blake Schilb may be the best player you've never heard of. The senior led the Ramblers to their best season since 1984-85 last year (19 wins) and this year he'll average 20 points, earn some All-American recognition, and posiibly land Loyola in the Big Dance as Horizon League champs. You'll hear about him soon enough.

UIC - Ah, my boys - we're the Flames, not the Flamers! - after five straight winning seasons, should once again be a factor in the Horizon League. Othyus Jeffers is a beast. A poor man's Charles Barkley. Too bad he isn't a few inches taller because he's a gladiator in the paint, with some outside skills, as well. After earning some newcomer honors last year, he'll cement his name on the scene in 06-07.

Bruno in 'Bama

With the opening of Borat this past weekend, I got to thinking of one of my favorite skits from Da Ali G show - the one where he dresses as Bruno and heads to an Alabama Crimson Tide football game.

Amazingly enough, the fine rednecks, er, folks of Alabama aren't all that open-minded about a flaming gay dude showing up on their scene.

"Are you allowed to date other members of the team or do you have to wait until the season is over?"

Scarlett Johansson Sex Tape?

If true, this could momentarily stop the world from spinning.

Skeleton Art

Cool site: Skeleton Art. Check out the art gallery section. A lot of interesting and wonderfully wild paintings.

Apologies

Hey, hey, hey. The Unknwon Column heartily apologizes for being on a bit of a hiatus. My millions, er, handful of readers have been relentlessly harrassing me for an explanation. The endless ringing of the phone and the crowds outside my window have been driving me mad.

Truth is, to be blunt, I've been undergoing chemotherapy. Cancer. The dirty fuck. This is actually the second time. I spent much of 2005 undergoing chemo. Six rounds, which is, supposedly, the most a person is allowed before it's simply too much for the body to take. And it is. I can attest. Thank the Gods for the '05 White Sox. I've never been able to watch so much baseball in my life and the Pale Hose won the Worls Series shortly before the chemo wrapped up. The timing of it all couldn't have been more beautiful.

I followed up that chemo with some precautionary radiation treatment as my hair - my beautiful hair - grew back. Which it did.

But just when my hair was getting back to its fully beautiful self...

Bam. I was back in chemo and have been now for three more rounds, or roughly, the last nine weeks. The hair, once again, has fallen out, though thankfully, this time for some reason unknown to me, the eyebrows and eyelashes remain. This is actually important. With your eyebrows and eyelashes in place, you can put on a hat and look normal. People can't immediately tell the tragedy beneath. Without eyebrows and eyelashes, though, you can wear any hat you want and it is quickly and blatantly obvious to anyone that something is wrong. You look like an alien.

Truth be told, the first run through chemo and the ensuing radiation weren't nearly as bad as I feared it would be. It wasn't necessarily the death bed scene I had in my mind. I guess having cancer at a young age, once the shock wears off, has its advantages. While it was horrible, and I can't imagine doing the same thing at an advanced age when the body is far less sturdy, I remained physically strong for the most part. All things considered. My body was fit and healthy going in and that helped immensely.

But this time...

Well, this time the chemo is a different, stronger, more violent cocktail and it's kicking my ass at the moment.

Anyway, I never intended this blog to be the sort of personal diary that many bloggers write. I wanted, simply, to talk about sports, bitch about a few random things that piss me off, toss in a few potential laughs, and post pics of hot chicks. So I haven't felt compelled to share my personal drama, good or bad.

I only write this now because I wanted to offer an explanation for my absence. I know I have only a handful of readers, but friends have asked what the deal was. Quite frankly, I haven't had the energy. I don't mean to bitch or moan, but I just haven't had the urge to push the little buttons on the keyboard of late. Sorry.

But as of today I intend to get back in the swing of things, ot to at least do my best. It should do me some good. Although I've had a legit reason for laying low of late, I can't help but feel lazy nonetheless.

So I'll force it if need be.

Fuck it.

On the bright side, I've been on a bit of a cold streak in the gambling department of late - OK, I've been freezing - so my daily Tonight's Likes posts have probably been better off remaining in the abyss. I wouldn't want to sway anyone towards losing their $$$. (Although, I'm guessing that the accompanying photos of yummy women have surely been missed.)

Checking In

Yo, yo, yo. Sorry for the lack of posts. Long story. Be Back soon.

But while I'm here...

Prediction for Sunday? Bears 27 49ers 6

And the Fire will polish off the Revs in Foxboro to advance to the Eastern Conference finals.

Book it.

Here we go now.

Tillman Pissed Off

Kevin Tillman, the brother of Pat Tillman, has written an article for Truthdig magazine, and he's pulling no punches. This is great stuff.

Somehow back at home, support for the soldiers meant having a five-year-old kindergartener scribble a picture with crayons and send it overseas, or slapping stickers on cars, or lobbying Congress for an extra pad in a helmet. It’s interesting that a soldier on his third or fourth tour should care about a drawing from a five-year-old; or a faded sticker on a car as his friends die around him; or an extra pad in a helmet, as if it will protect him when an IED throws his vehicle 50 feet into the air as his body comes apart and his skin melts to the seat.

Somehow the more soldiers that die, the more legitimate the illegal invasion becomes.

Somehow American leadership, whose only credit is lying to its people and illegally invading a nation, has been allowed to steal the courage, virtue and honor of its soldiers on the ground.

Somehow those afraid to fight an illegal invasion decades ago are allowed to send soldiers to die for an illegal invasion they started.

Somehow faking character, virtue and strength is tolerated.

Somehow profiting from tragedy and horror is tolerated.

Somehow the death of tens, if not hundreds, of thousands of people is tolerated.

Somehow subversion of the Bill of Rights and The Constitution is tolerated.

Somehow suspension of Habeas Corpus is supposed to keep this country safe.

Somehow torture is tolerated.

Somehow lying is tolerated.

Somehow reason is being discarded for faith, dogma, and nonsense.

Somehow American leadership managed to create a more dangerous world.

Somehow a narrative is more important than reality.

Somehow America has become a country that projects everything that it is not and condemns everything that it is.

Somehow the most reasonable, trusted and respected country in the world has become one of the most irrational, belligerent, feared, and distrusted countries in the world.

Somehow being politically informed, diligent, and skeptical has been replaced by apathy through active ignorance.

Somehow the same incompetent, narcissistic, virtueless, vacuous, malicious criminals are still in charge of this country.

Somehow this is tolerated.

Somehow nobody is accountable for this.

Wow. Well done. It's all been said a thousand times, but it can never be said enough. Not until...

Not until...

Good Luck With That

Lou Piniella has signed on to be the Cubs latest scapegoat, er, manager. While I think Piniella is a fantastic choice and clearly the bench of the bunch the Cubs were looking at, this will end badly. Trust me. It always does.

That's the thing about the Cubs. There's just something negative, creepy, dark and inescapable about the franchise that eventually drags anyone who dares step too near it down into the muck. It's like quicksand. Once you place a foot in, slowly but surely, you're dragged lower and lower until you reach rock bottom.

Dusty Baker was a good manager when he arrived on the North Side, and for a couple of years, it worked out. Things went relatively well. But then the malaise set in, the darkness began to settle, and once it did, it was all downhill. Dusty disintegrated until, just like every unfortunate soul who came before him, it all went to hell.

And that's exactly what will happen with Piniella. Oh, he may be able to be a positive influence in the beginning. In fact, I wouldn't doubt it as the present Cubs have nowhere to go but up. But give it time. Let the ghosts do their thing. I guarantee that within 3-4 years Piniella is in the same boat Dusty ended up in. Things will be in tatters and the media and fans will be screaming for his head. It's going to get ugly.

I hate to be so negative, to be a doomsayer, but the truth is out there, so why ignore it?

Ultimately, Piniella will sheepishly leave town and the next wide-eyed cat foolish enough to make the regrettable decision to take his shot at managing the Cubs will enter.

And the cyle will begin again.

It's all so predictable.

And sad.

Unbelievable

Run, Devin, run: Devin Hester runs his leg of the miracle.


The phrase "Team of Destiny" is tossed around often. Maybe too often. Sometimes a team is just really good and that's why it wins. There are no miracles involved. No special forces. No tugs from the universe that won't allow the story to end any other way. No, sometimes a team is, simply, good.

But sometimes - sometimes - teams really do seem to have a special relationship with destiny. Yes, I believe it can happen. And I'd like to think that the Bears 24-23 win over the forever unlucky Cardinals tonight was a sign that maybe - just maybe - someone or something in this universe of ours is looking out for these 2006 Bears. Why? Because the Bears had absolutely no right to win that game.

But they did.

Yes, despite trailing 23-3 with only seconds to go in the third quarter, the Bears won.

Despite no touchdowns from the offense, they won.

Despite four interceptions and two lost fumbles from Rex Grossman, they won.

Despite barely a hint of a running game, they won.

This was about as unbelieveable, as surreal, a win as you'll ever witness. Two touchdowns from the Bears defense and another by the special teams in the final 15:02 of the game? Nah. No way. Right? You could write that into a movie and nobody would believe it. That just doesn't happen.

But it did.

When the offense was doing everything to revert to its former self - meaning it suddenly become completely and horrifically incompetent - Mark Anderson nailed Matt Leinart from his blindside and Mike Brown ran in the ensuing fumble. That made it 23-10. (Why does Brown always seem to find himself in the middle of these miraculous endings? Think 2001.)

Then Brian Urlacher stripped Edgerrin James and Charles Tillman ran in the fumble. 23-17.

Then Devin Hester ran back a punt. 24-23. Bears in the lead.

And all the offense was doing was watching.

Finally, after Leinart had driven the Cards to within easy field goal range, Neil Rackers missed wide left. I bet Rackers makes that kick 19 times out of 20.

If the Bears were the winners, then only the Cardinals could be the losers. No other NFL team could ever disintegrate like that. The Cubs could probably pull off something similar on a baseball diamond, but nobody else could ever pull off such a glorious choke job.

If destiny was involved, the Cards dutifully played their part.

So, yeah, maybe it's just the adrenaline of such a miraculous and impossible win running through my veins at the moment, but as the final seconds ticked off the clock of what should have been a Bears loss but wasn't, I couldn't help but think that these Bears might just have a touch of magic to them. Maybe all-important luck is on their side and that is never a bad thing. Maybe that's just wishful thinking, but I'd like to believe it is so.

Of course, there is, sadly, so much negative feedback about the Bears that comes from this game as well. Let's be honest, they played horribly, and not just Grossman. Oh, he was the worst of the bunch, but the Bears' horrible performance permeated the coaching staff and players alike. They deserved to lose, so let's not kid ourselves. And, of course, there are the injuries to Brown and Ricky Manning to begin fretting about.

But I'll save that for tomorrow morning. (This morning, actually.) For the time being, I'll go to bed fresh with the rush of seeing a game I'll never forget and the hope that this Bears team has a date with destiny.

Hey, why not?


And the miracle is complete: A football god suddenly sneezes and Neil Rackers and his holder, Scott Player, watch Racker's potential game-winning kick sail only inches wide left. Personally, I think Rackers missed because he couldn't stop laughing at Player's facemask - which is totally old-school and awesome, by the way.

Random Image Department

Monday Night Spotlight

Only about three more hours until da Bears play on Monday Night football for the first time since ABC gave them a pity appearance for the first-ever game at the rebuilt Soldier Field. (The Bears were crushed by the Packers, naturally.) This is what happens when you win. You actually get some, you know, respect.

A few things I'd like to see tonight:

1) Several completely exasperated looks on the face of Matt Leinart as the Bears defense hounds him into submission.

2) 100 yards from Thomas Jones and 50 yards from Curtis Benson.

3) A touchdown for Muhsin Muhammad. Bernard Berrian, Rashied Davis, Desmond Clark and even John Gilmore have all found the endzone from Rex Grossman passes. I'd like to see Muhammad get a little reward for all the possession-type catches he makes over the middle.

4) Tony Kornheiser making fun of Joe Theisman.

5) A touchdown or two by the Bears defense.

Things I don't want to see tonight:

1) Kurt Warner's wife.

Random thoughts:

1) I'm looking forward to seeing the Cardinals' new stadium. Supposedly, the place is the shiznit so I've been wanting to check it out, although I'm disappointed that it wasn't named the Pink Taco Stadium, as had been rumored.

2) Whenever the Bears and Cards meet, I wonder what it would have been like if the Cards, the NFL's oldest franchise, never left Chicago. What would it be like to have two teams in the Windy City? Would the rivalry be as divisive and hateful as White Sox-Cubs? Who would I have been a fan of? Well, considering the Bears used to play on the North Side at Wrigley Field while the Cards played on the South Side at the old Comiskey Park - and I'm a South Sider - I may have actually been a Cards fan.

That would suck, eh? Being a Bears fan hasn't always been easy, but it's been paradise compared to what Cards fans must go through.

The pick? Da Bears 103, Cardinals -2.

Here we go now.

Uribe Shooting Up Dominican Republic?

Hey, do you remember last week when I was thoroughly against the White Sox bringing in Alex Rodriguez to play shortstop?

Well, why I'm still opposed to the idea, I think 'thoroughly' has been downgraded to 'mostly.' The Sox might be in need of a shortstop because Juan Uribe may be spending some time in jail - a Central American jail, no less.

Uribe and his brother are being investigated for their alleged involvement in the shooting of two men in the Dominican Republic coastal city of San Cristobal.

The incident took place on Friday night according to the El Nacional newspaper and the two victims were treated at a hospital and then released.

Uribe and his brother, Elipidio, thought that the victims walked too close to their jeep, according to a police report.

Dondolin Alessandro, a captain in the Italian Navy, suffered wounds to his stomach and hands. Antonio Gonzalez Perez, a farmer who tried to intervene, suffered a left-elbow injury but was treated and released.

First of all, I must refrain from making jokes about shooting an Italian being acceptable. So all kidding aside, I suppose Uribe should just consider himself incredibly lucky that nobody was killed. Apparently, his aim with a gun is about as dependable as his batting average, not to mention his arm in the field that produced more errors (14) than walks (13) in 2006.

Walking too close to their jeep? Jeez. Talk about a stereotypical Latin temper.

And what's with all the craziness involving Major League players when they head back to Central America? Murders, kidnappings, gunfights. It's almost as out of control as the Miami football program. It was only three years ago that one of my favorite White Sox players as a wee lad, Ivan Calderon, was murdered in Puerto Rico.


Nobody pulled off the open collar/numerous gold chains look like the legendary Ivan Calderon. Nobody.

Why Cause Headaches Over Headband?

"Yeah, and I want to wear these goggles, too, Jerry. We don't have a problem here, do we, Jerry? Huh, Jerry?"


Apparently, the Bulls (i.e., owner Jerry Reinsdorf) are forbidding Ben Wallace from wearing his headband. And, worse, the word on the street is that Wallace isn't all that happy about it.

Neither is the Unknown Column.

Listen, I understand that Reinsdorf has won six NBA titles with the Bulls and a World Series with the White Sox. And that's awesome. I'm fully appreciative, as is the city of Chicago (though Cubs fans are probably a tad ticked off about that Sox title.) But his overbearing habit of running his ship like the world is still filmed in black and white and filled with Leave it to Beaver-types who say things like "Gee wiz" and who would never stray from a strict dress code is getting old. And it's getting old fast.

Reinsdorf pulled similar garbage earlier this year when he demanded that Joe Crede, A.J. Pierzynski and Neil Cotts of the Sox cut their hair, which they did. Of course, none of the three even had particularly long hair and all three have avoided any off-the-field shenanigans throughout their careers. (Crede and Cotts have been nothing short of class acts, while Pierzynski has been...well...Pierzynski.) But Reinsdorf treated them as if they were trouble-making hoodlums because their hair didn't end at the collar.

Ridiculous.

I'm not saying there are any special powers in a headband or in lengthy hair, and I'm not saying that Reinsdorf's petty antics had anything to do with the White Sox's lack of mojo in the second half of the season. But then again, who knows? Maybe they did.

All I do know is that players will perform best when they are allowed to be themselves in a positive way, and teams will perform best when they are a collection of varied personalities that are allowed to shine and blossom and coexist in a cooperative manner. The coolest teams, the teams that are the most fun to follow, and often the best, are the teams that are not only solid at what they do on the field of play or on the court, but are also melting pots of humorous, strong, and secure indivduals.

So let Wallace wear a headband if he wants. It's a fuckin' headband. What's the problem? Wallace has long proven himself as both a player and a person, so why cramp his style unnecessarily? This isn't the military and it isn't the 1950's.

Besides, Wallace is about the last person you want to piss off. Not when you just paid him all that money and especially not when he's that huge.

At Least He Has That National Title

"Man, that Ken Dorsey was a helluva quarterback, wasn't he? I miss him."


Now that Joe Torre has been given a reprieve and will be allowed at least one more year to lead the Yankees to yet another disappointing playoff collapse (thank you, Steinbrenner), I can't imagine a coach sitting on a seat hotter than that currently occupied by Miami coach Larry Coker. Not even the women of South Beach are so hot. As if the the Hurricanes' slow but sure descent from national champs to mediocrity under Coker wasn't enough, Saturday's on-field brawl with Florida International should be the final nail in the coffin of Coker's tenure.

Things have sunk low when Miami is brawling with freakin' Florida International, of all teams. Florida International? Who the hell is Florida International?

It's sad, really, because Coker seems like a genuinely good guy, a guy who honestly meant every word he said when he vowed to clean up the Miami program. But the truth is that he, simply, isn't a very good coach. He was lucky enough to take over a team built entirely by Butch Davis and win a national title in his first season. And, no, I don't want to take credit away from him for that title. He won it. Fair play to him. But all the pieces were already in place and he was able to stand back just enough to watch all those pieces function perfectly for one season. Your job can't be all that hard when you have the likes of Clinton Portis, Ed Reed, Jeremy Shockey and Bryant McKinnie biding their time in the orange and green jersey until heading off to the NFL.

Since then? Miami has declined steadily and, undoubtedly, that decline will not be allowed to continue beyond this season.

By the way, check out the TV commentary of the brawl by Lamar Thomas, a former 'Cane himself. He's cheering it all on and urging the players to continue it after the game, which is amazingly stupid considering half of the Miami roster is probably armed. Talk about a dimwitted yahoo. Hysterical and ridiculous all at the same time. It's no wonder the Hurricanes can never shed their reputation for being thugs when such an attitude permeates all the way from the locker room to the television booth. I mean, someone hired this guy and gave him a mic? Sheesh.

Is this the same Lamar Thomas who, while a player at Miami, was indicted?

Thomas and Marucci were indicted by a grand jury Tuesday on charges of fraudulently obtaining Federal financial aid. The players could very likely have avoided charges by accepting an offer from the office to enter the pretrial program but missed the deadline for responding.

If so, how did he even get his TV gig in the first place?

Fire Back on Track, Head Into Playoffs

I suppose that when you culminate a stretch where you lose only once in 13 games with a convincing win in the U.S. Open Cup final, a bit of a letdown might be understandable. That's exactly what happened to the Fire, who followed it's trophy-earning win over the Galaxy with two regular season losses, including a 4-1 drubbing at the hands of lowly Colombus...at home, no less.

Concentration, it seemed, had been swayed and what had been the hottest team in the league suddenly looked cold as ice. Not good.

Well, the Fire righted itself over the weekend with a 3-2 win at D.C. United in their regular season finale behind goals from Gonzalo Segares, Nate Jaqua, and Andy Herron. Though the game was void of any postseason implications, it was nice to see the team get back to its winning ways as the playofffs are set to begin.

And the Fire will most definitely need to be at its best against New England, whom they will open up against this Sunday at Toyota Park at 1 p.m. (The game will get the national audience treatment on ABC.) The Revs are unbeaten in their last seven games, meaning they're peaking at just the right time. Clint Dempsey seems to have settled down after some on-field skirmishes earlier in the year and is playing well and riding the high of recently being named U.S. player of the year. Meanwhile, Taylor Twelman may still be ticked off about his World Cup snub and itching to prove his doubters wrong with a title. Toss in the fact that the Revs lost in last year's MLS Cup and would surley likely to right that wrong, and the Fire definitely needs to be in top form in this series.

(Sidenote: Whose bright idea is it to schedule playoff games opposite the Sunday afternoon NFL smorgasborg? Maybe such conflict is inescapable during football season as the college game dominates Saturdays and the pro game Sundays, but scheduling MLS games on weekend afternoons in the fall is ratings suicide. It surely can't help at the gate either.)

In the 90th minute of Sunday's game, D.C.'s Ben Olsen nailed the crossbar with a shot from only a few feet way, directly in front of goal. It was a ridiculous miss by Olsen and a very lucky moment for the Fire, who were desperately holding onto their 3-2 lead at the time. The Unknown Column would like to think that the moment was an omen of good fortune to come in the playoffs for the Fire, a sign that the soccer gods will be looking out for them. At least that's what I hope.

Anything and everything helps when it comes to the postseason, even a little bit of luck.

Here we go now.

A Pig's Pigskin Picks - Week Six

Bears at Cardinals: It's officially started. It's growing. It's sprouting wings, lifting up and floating. It has a pulse and and it's pumping harder and harder. It's red hot, loud and getting louder.

The hype, that is.

After running their record to 5-0 with yet another pummelling of a helpless opponent (Bears 40 Bills 7), da Bears have officially started the legit talk of greatness. Sheer greatness. Chicago is absolutely alive, giddy, and throbbing with hope. The next few months are being looked to with eyes wider than those of a child who has just seen Santa Clause enter through the chimney.

Where only days ago the talk of was of whether or not the Bears are for real, now it's of who they will face in the Super Bowl and if they can go undefeated. Joe Theisman thinks so and he knows everything. (Just ask him.)

19-0. Hey, why not? I believe. I really, honestly do. I always believe.

But let's be careful here.

While I hesitate to compare this year's team to the 1985 team, it's hard not to. Why? Well, it's one thing to win a lot. There's plenty of teams that do that. But rarely do teams win games week after week after week that are complete and utter blowouts. That's hard to do. There are too many solid teams out there and too many X factors. Inevitably, even the best teams play plenty of squeakers. In fact, winning the close games is usually one of the key ingredients of a great team. But much like that 1985 team, these Bears are winning while hardly breaking a sweat.

Look at some of the scores from the Bears' 1985 schedule: 45-10, 26-10, 23-7, 27-9, 24-3, 44-0, 36-0, 37-17, 21-0, 24-0, 26-10.

Now peep some scores from this year's team: 26-0, 34-7, 37-6, 40-7.

Damn. That's just filthy. Filthy. The current Bears are manhandling people, making them look foolish, embarrassing them, ripping their hearts out and dancing on them. Of course, this cannot be said without LOUDLY mentioning that it's still October and that there is plenty of season left and heads must be kept out of the clouds and we must pray to the football gods to prevent any injuries and to ask for a little luck to be on our side or a lot, please. And any other cliche you want to mention because they're not merely cliches - they're truth.

One game at a time. One series at a time. One down at a time.

On paper, the Cardinals look like an easy victim. But it's a Monday night game and the Cards' new stadium is beautiful so, surely, they will be a bit more amped up than usual to show their worth against the team that is quickly becoming the biggest story in the NFL. Things could get dangerous. Nobody can be overlooked. It's a long, long way from the clouds to the ground.

Matt Leinart looks more and more like he'll be one of the good ones, but in the meantime, the Bears defense must give him a welcome he won't forget. You know, knock him out of the game. Make him miss that easy life at USC when he had sun and success and sweet cheerleaders all about. Let him know that those days are done.

The pick? Bears 23 Cardinals 7
Straight up: Da Bears
Spread: Da Bears -11


The Bears are flying - literally.


Bengals at Buccaneers: The Bengals had a bye week to think all about the embarrassment they suffered against the Patriots. Talk about a team being exposed. The Bengals were left naked with the world watching and laughing. They remind me an awful lot of the Colts. You know, a great offense, but a questionable defense; a team that looks spectacular in the regular season but lacks that extra level of toughess when it comes to January and the games become brutal and defense-orientated. They could be facing just such a game this week when they face a Bucs team that has yet to win but has been playing teams tough, which surely makes them quite testy. Could be dangerous.
Straight up: Bengals
Spread: Bucs +5

Titans at Redskins: Vince Young certainly isn't being eased into his starting role. Last week it was a trip to Indy and the Hoosier Dome. This week it's a trip to D.C. to face the Redskins and 90,000+ of their closest fans. The kid did alright against the Colts and nearly pulled off the upset of the year. We'll see what he does here. The 'Skins are possibly the hardest team in the league to figure out. One moment I think they're another solid Joe Gibbs club ready to play with the big boys, the next moment I'm having visions of the Heath Shuler era in the capitol.
Straight up: Redskins
Spread: Titans +11

Texans at Cowboys: T.O. was whining again in recent days about his role on the team. Naturally, he wants the ball more and, naturally, he failed to mention the obvious alligator arms he had against the Eagles last week in the third quarter. The pot is boiling. The meltdown can't be far away, can it? Whatever. Other than the fact that he's on my fantasy team and thus I thoroughly agree that he needs the ball more, I honestly don't care. I just want T.O. to retire so he can go away and be forgotten. His story, really, is sad and pathetic, little more than an annoyance, no matter how long the brainless media continues to be enthralled by it.

Have you noticed that David Carr - lo and behold! - is actually having a solid year? Who knew?
Straight up: Cowboys
Spread: Texans +13.5

Bills at Lions: The Dick Jauron "Welcome Back!" tour continues. One week after returning to Chicago where he was head coach, he's going back to Motown where he was defensive coordinator before landing his current gig (not to mention a Lions player many moons ago). Apparently, nearly the entire Lions offensive line is injured, meaning things can only get worse in Detroit.
Straight up: Bills
Spread: Bills -1

Seahawks at Rams: Very quietly, the Rams are 4-1, though nobody seems to take them seriously just yet. A win here could change all that. Very unpredicatble game.
Straight up: Rams
Spread: Rams +3

Giants at Falcons: After thoroughly dominating the Redskins, the Giants once again look like NFC contenders. For one week at least, Tom Coughlin was spared the wrath of his own players. Must be nice for him. Meanwhile, the Falcons appear to be the same old Falcons, meaning that as long as Michael Vick is healthy, they're a contender.
Straight up: Falcons
Spread: Falcons -3

Eagles at Saints: A win by the Saints here against the high-flying Eagles would vault them from the status of a nice, little feel-good story to the status of straight-up media frenzy and make Sean Payton the king of New Orleans. You just know that the Superdome will be rocking, and you just know that most anyone outside of the Philly metropolitan area will be pulling for the Saints. Game of the week right here.
Straight up: Saints
Spread: Saints +3.5

Panthers at Ravens: It was nice to see Brian Billick humbled under the bright Monday night lights last week. That 4-0 start by the Ravens undoubtedly had his immense ego reaching dangerous levels. Would I be asking too much to see him humbed again, but this time at home? Hey, it could happen. The Panthers seem to be slowly finding their groove after their rough start to the season.
Straight up: Ravens
Spread: Panthers +3

Dolphins at Jets: Apparently, Joey Harrington is somehow becoming the No. 1 quarterback in Miami. Enough said. The Dolphins ship is sinking faster than a Yankees playoff choke job.
Straight up: Jets
Spread: Jets -1

Chargers at 49ers: Philip Rivers is looking Super. <-----And notice the capital S. You know what that means, right? Then again, I'm already imagining ways Marty Shottenheimer might screw up another playoff run. How has he not reached a Super Bowl yet? I mean, other than John Elway heroics, of course. Damn, can you imagine losing to the same team three times in four years in the conference championship game? I'm guessing Shottenheimer has an Elway voodoo doll hidden away somewhere.
Straight up: Chargers
Spread: Chargers -10

Chiefs at Steelers: I know Ben Roethlisberger has gone through a lot recently and that it all has possibly affected his play in a bad way. And, sure, he may snap out of it. But I'm beginnging to think he may be the most overhyped "serviceable" quarterback ever. You know, a caretaker, a dude whose job is merely not to lose games rather than to do anything spectacular. As far as Super Bowl-winning quarterbacks go, I'm beginning to think he's much closer to Trent Dilfer and Brad Johnson than Tom Brady.
Straight up: Steelers
Spread: Steelers -6.5

Raiders at Broncos: While the Bears defense has grabbed the spotlight - and deservedly so - the Broncos defense has quietly been beyond superb. One touchdown allowed in four games? Wow. Not too shabby. So I wouldn't expect more than a mere field goal or two from the dreadful Raiders.

So who else is loving the sight of Randy Moss directly in the middle of the immense Raiders mess? Couldn't happen to a nicer guy.
Straight up: Broncos
Spread: Broncos -14.5

Straight up
Last week: 14-0
Season: 34-10

Against the spread
Last week: 7-7
Season: 23-21

Wenger Just Doesn't Get it, Cries About it

Arsenal coach Arsene Wenger is crying because he has to share some of his players with their respective national teams. He feels that players wear themselves when on national team duty and return to his team less than 100%. Of course, this has been going on since forever and club coaches have dealt with it accordingly. Simply, it's the way soccer works, the way it has worked marvelously for decade upon decade. But Wenger takes exception.

Says Wenger in between sobs while wiping tears from the corner of his eyes:

"Gerard (Houllier's) thoughts on the matter echo mine," Wenger said. "He thinks that what the national coaches are doing is like taking the car from his garage without even asking permission.

"They will then use the car for 10 days and abandon it in a field without any petrol left in the tank.

"We then have to recover it, but it is broken down. Then a month later they will come to take your car again, and for good measure you're expected to be nice about it."

Cry me a river.

Normally, I find Wenger to be an OK guy, but you know what? Fuck him.

He's barking up the wrong tree if he thinks club soccer can call out international soccer. The international game will always, always, always come first, no matter how much money is involved with the club game. Think about it. Players are almost always remembered for what they do when they don the jersey of their country - first and foremost. Club exploits are remembered far less vividly.

Who remembers Pele for what he did with Santos? He's remembered for what he did with Brazil.

Maradona won titles with Napoli, which was all the more impressive considering that the Big Three in Italy usually win everything. But he'll always be remembered for getting red carded against Brazil in 1982 and lifting the trophy in 1986 while wearing the Argentine stripes.

Zinedine Zidane won numerous trophies with Bordeaux, Juventus and Real Madrid. But what will he be remembered for? Winning the World Cup in 1998 and the headbutt in 2006.

Ruud Gullit and Marco Van Basten won trophies in Holland and then won everything in sight while together with AC Milan in Italy. But they'll always be remembered first for that great Holland team at the 1988 EURO championships and the disappointment of 1990.

Luis Figo has had a great club career, but years from now the exploits (disappointment?) of Portugal's "Golden Generation" are what will come to mind first when his name is mentioned.

The list goes on and on.

Soccer players hop from club to club to club, even far moreso than athletes in American sports. Naturally, that takes something away from the meaning of it all - if only a little.

Sure, club football is massive in popularity and rolling in $$$$, but in the end, the international game always has and always will be more important. Period. Wenger can cry and whine all he wants, but players aren't stupid. No matter how big their bank accounts get, they know that to truly cement their legacies they need to play for their country and do something great on the biggest stage.

Wenger needs to change his diaper and pipe down. Dude has a freakin' all-star team at his disposal at all times, so make your lineup according to the present situation and realize your place on the totem pole.

His players at Arsenal are, essentially, mercenaries, merely passing through and colelcting enormous paychecks. They've played for other clubs before and will move onto new clubs in the future.

But they all have only one country for which they can play and it's on the international stage where legends are truly born.

Idiots With Guns